An Attuned Way of Life
Attunement is a way of resonating with another person. We strive for this in most of our relationships. We “get” the person. Their reactions, responses, and way of thinking makes sense to us and almost feels predictable.
Are we able to build this same attunement with ourselves?
Most of what I work on with my clients is learning who they really are. Our trauma, childhood, caregivers, and our relationships with others (healthy or not) can have major influences over how we see ourselves and also block our internal cues of what we feel. We may know what is “right” and “wrong” based on these influences of others or what society tells us, but what about those feelings when it comes to our boundaries, our decisions, and our routines and habits? Do we do things just because we were told that was the best way, not really recognizing that it might not be the best way for you?
I want you to process this idea of self-attunement. This balance and the wisdom of understanding us and what feels appropriate for us. As you are building routines for this month and focusing on what should be in your daily life, I want you to think about this question: why do I want to do this routine and what does it serve me?
If I want to start eating more vegetables in my daily meals, why do I want this? What do vegetables do for me? I know they are healthy but when you are eating vegetables how do you feel? Are you just stomaching them? Do you feel healthier after consuming them? When you are focusing on the why, you will strive for the why when incorporating more routines.
If I know that I don’t like vegetables but my why is because I need to eat more of them for a healthier diet, then my energy and focus should be centered on: how can I make vegetables more appealing to me? Do I need to look up more recipes on vegetables? Do I need to follow groups who use vegetables more consistently in their diets to help motivate me? This centers your mind about creating a lifestyle to support the new routine. If I’m being shown more vegetables in my social media content then I’m thinking about vegetables more and in a healthy way not in a “ugh, I have to eat more vegetables” way.
Making routines and habits are uncomfortable and we need to learn to create a lifestyle that supports the routine/habit with the acceptance that doing this will be hard, difficult, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful. How can I support myself when doing something I don’t want to do? This changes the mindset of “just do it” to “what do I need?”
This overall process helps support self-attunement because you are learning about yourself and learning how to help support you. You are finally listening to yourself and supporting yourself instead of just following what everyone says what you need to do. Yes, we will always have things we don’t want to do but focusing on the loss or the sacrifice doesn’t make you want to get up and do it so we have to shift our mind to focus on the gain, the mental stimulation, and the process. The reward from the routine/habit will follow later.
