Mindfulness and Negative Thinking

With anyone who is struggling with depression and anxiety, the biggest challenge is listening to our negative self-talk. We are our biggest critic and enemy. We stand in our own way when comes to healing and growth because we are so set on the idea that our thoughts are true because we think them. But, this isn’t true at all. It is one of life’s biggest falsies. We think that because we had this thought, whether it be rational or irrational, that it must be true. So we expend all this energy and time into judging and applying meaning to this thought which in turn makes us feel that the thought is more true. 

One of the biggest innate human needs is to always be right. We don’t like to admit that we are wrong and once we feel our stance is “right” we will go to desperate attempts to prove it right. Our mind is no different. Because we are so set on making ourselves feel like we are right, we will devote time and energy to making this thought true to ultimately make us feel better. And for some weird reason, it does! We almost get a small little tiny rush with this idea of “look! I knew it!” But, it is very short and very fleeting because we are now left with the ugly thought to deal with. 

Let’s work with an example. If I were to look at an image of someone who I may find beautiful and she may look nothing like me, I could think, “I’m not pretty” or “I’m ugly.” With this thought, in order to prove myself right, I will immediately look to the flaws of my own image (whether they are ugly or pretty is beside the point) to affirm that I do not match that image and therefore make the thought true. I’ll feel affirmed and validated in my evaluation of myself but I’m left with the negative thought. Because I made this thought true, I will walk around with this idea of “I’m ugly” when only because I compared myself to an image that I deemed beautiful instead of finding other beautiful things about myself. 

A powerful strategy with this is to shift energy and focus away from making the thought “true” and focusing on my energy and attention on what is healthy. Sometimes that might not always be positive and that is totally ok. So I could say, “I’m ugly” but turn my attention to the fact that the image is beautiful and do not allow myself to be compared and just make the image beautiful within its own entirety. I could also just allow the thought of “I’m ugly” to pass and don’t apply judgment and value to it but more recognize that it is a thought and nothing more. 

This becomes a self-mastery tool because we choose what we allow to influence us and our emotions, even if that influence is our own thoughts. 

This idea is deeply embedded in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) with one of its core principles of Mindfulness. A big part of this principle is to meditate or see our thoughts as just thoughts that we allow to pass through our minds and only choose to apply meaning to those that are healthy. We do this through the act of meditation and becoming more aware of our inner dialogue with ourselves. 

If this idea is intriguing to you or you’d like to learn more about this DBT principle, reach out to MCS to help learn and apply this concept for your mental health growth.